Connection: Do you honor your commitments to yourself?

Written by: GAAYATRI

A phrase I hear a lot is “I don’t trust myself.”

I had a conversation with a friend once that changed my perspective on this subject. He remarked to me how strange it was that people go about their day in distrust of themselves. He remarked, “if I don’t trust myself, then who will I trust? I trust myself to have my best intentions better than anyone else.”

I had been so used to saying this phrase to myself that when I heard these words, I stopped and thought about it. Why don’t I trust myself? And I realized, while I would honor my commitments to others, I wouldn’t build trust with myself in the same way. My personal trust jar was running close to empty.

I took some time to reflect how I build trust with others, and decided to start implementing this with myself. What kinds of things do I do to show others they can trust me?

Honoring Commitments

Honoring a commitment means matching thought to word to deed. The smallest of things from “I’ll wake up early every morning” to “yes I’ll do the dishes every night before I sleep” for me turned into “five more minutes” or “I’ll deal with it in the morning.” Why is it so hard to honor our own commitments to ourselves, and we so easily prioritize our commitments to others? We often think this has no consequence since there is no one externally showing distrust. But perhaps, what happens externally is a reminder of what we are doing inside to ourselves.

I decided to start taking responsibility for the commitments I set for myself - and tried an exercise. I pretended like the commitment I was making was to a close friend. If I didn’t want to let them down, then I had to show up for them. Slowly, I could feel the shift in my energy where I started believing that I would actually follow through with things. I started becoming my own most reliable best friend.

Managing Expectations

Another thing I noticed that I would often do is set overbearing expectations on myself in ways I would never do to anyone else. Perhaps the most egregious way I’d do this was through placing insane expectations on where I thought I should be in life instead of loving myself for where I was.

I decided to implement what I would do for a small child. If I wanted to set them up for success, I would have to take an honest look at what I was asking of them, pace it out into smaller goals with a timeline and targets that I knew were reasonable for them to hit. As I started doing this and implementing more project management, I found my trust increasing in myself to maintain my mental health and manage my stress. I started trusting I wouldn’t overpressure myself. With this grew an ease and confidence.

Not Taking Myself for Granted

I found I would often procrastinate, or take for granted my energy, nourishment, and sleep. I would find it easy to skip meals, or sleep less, and say it’s ok I’ll catch up later, or it’s just one day for this one thing. At one point, after a strenuous recording project, I had my voice coach remark to me “would you ever work another Artist the way you worked yourself for this project?” And I realized, that I truly did take for granted my body without scheduling into my project management things like rest, sleep, and food.

I found that working these things into my project management was imperative. The problem is, when these facets are ignored, this erodes the body’s trust at a very core level that it will be taken care of, and puts the nervous system into a lack mentality from a physical level. This then leaks into the thoughts we have as well. If I wanted to have the most expansive thoughts, I couldn’t do this from a physical state of lack. I find so often this subtle truth is so overlooked especially for fellow creatives - because of their level of talent and virtuosity. But in the end, it takes a toll on us all. I wonder, how much better can our art and output be if we were well rested, and well nourished?

Saying No When It’s Too Much

Acknowledging overwhelm has been a challenge over the years. I found myself saying yes to so many things, taking for granted I’ll show up and get things done even at the cost of physical strain. What I noticed was not just on a time level where I would overbook myself. Often, it would come in the form of energy. I would overcommit my energy without acknowledging what I would need to restore it. My reasoning would be that it wasn’t so much additional time, so it can’t be that big of a deal to add it to my plate.

What I found to be effective was to tap into the intention of each thing I committed to. I started asking myself, on an energetic level, what is the toll on me? This would include mental, spiritual, and physical levels. Was it something that would deplete me energetically or rejuvenate me? As I shifted my perspective from “time management” to “energy management” I found I was actually more effective to committing to more things, as I started saying no to the wrong things for my energy. It wasn’t a matter of how many things, but what quality of things I was taking on.

As I’ve implemented these aspects into my self care, I have found my trust jar filling up. I now feel at ease and look forward to making commitments and honoring them. It is less scary, and I have found that inner sense of self assurance building up because on an inner level, I’ve begun to build trust with the part of me that is looking to be taken care of and reassured that it’s seen.